


Flavor Name Pending

by Diary



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkwardness, Bechdel Test Pass, Ben & Jerry's, Bittersweet, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Canon Crossover, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Family, Fluffy Angst, Grief/Mourning, Late Night Conversations, Letters, Love, Loyalty, Multiple Crossovers, POV Male Character, POV Tony Stark, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 15:12:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: My take on how Stark-Raving Hazelnuts and Hulk-a Hulk-a Burnin' Fudge came to be. Complete.





	Flavor Name Pending

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Avengers.

“C’mon, I had to have done something. Help me out here, Friday.”

“Miss Potts didn’t seem angry, boss.”

He was never brave enough to threaten decommissioning Jarvis, and so far, he hasn’t found the courage to try it with her. “No, she wouldn’t. That’s Pep’s thing, or one of her things. She’s polite and composed and secretly has over a hundred different plans to kill me."

The difference is, unlike all the other people who want to kill him, she’s one of the ones with the purest motives.

“I’ve found several more highly reputable, discreet psychologists and psychiatrists. Perhaps, you could be obliged-”

“Why did I think it was a good idea to program you with an Irish accent?”

“You didn’t, boss. I have no idea what this accent is, or why you programmed me with it, but no Irish person-”

“I blame-”

He partially blames Bruce, but if he starts thinking about the big guy right now, he’s going too be depressed to adequately defend himself against whatever he did to make Pepper set up a meeting with him.

“Look, my therapist is fine.” He chooses to ignore the sound she makes. “What isn’t fine is the fact Pepper wants to kill me, and I don’t even know why. Let’s- let’s go over all the potentially objectionable things I’ve done within the past three months.”

“If you’d done something three months ago, wouldn’t she have been on your case, then? I’d say two weeks is the maximum time she’d wait before taking action, boss.”

“Alright, point taken. Everything within the last two weeks.”

…

“If you did something wrong, I don’t know about it, yet.”

“Oh, thank God,” he mutters. “Okay, then.” Kissing her cheek and pulling out her chair, he continues, “Because, honestly, Pep, I’ve racked my brains, and it must be my newfound maturity, but I really don’t think I’ve done anything recently. So, then, what’s this about?”

After he sits down, she says, “You know how much I love Ben & Jerry's hazelnut flavours.”

“Yeah. Have they announced they’re retiring a certain flavour?”

Showing she can occasionally be less than annoying in her help, Friday is already typing out plans on his tablet to make a sizeable donation to dissuade such a decision.

“No. The opposite. They’re creating a new batch of flavours, and they contacted Stark Industries to discuss the possibility of having a flavour named after you.”

Her eyes are sparkling, and there goes his plans to cut out dairy. His dad wouldn’t be impressed, but having an ice-cream named after him- if he’d been a little more normal as a kid, that would have been a dream. It still is, really, just a dream he never knew he had until he found it coming true.

“Yeah? That’s great. Nothing with caramel. Or strawberries.”

If he ever finds Bruce, he’s going to make sure Bruce tries whatever flavour it is, and the big guy practically breaks out in hives if anything caramel touches his tongue.

Smiling, she nods. “I know. I was thinking of suggesting it be one of their hazelnut based flavours.”

Freckle-faced Virginia Potts with her red hair, wide blue eyes, and calm, vaguely sarcastic attitude has been surprising, delighting, and causing his heart to produce almost uncomfortably warm feelings ever since he was a twenty-year-old wreck. Even after he came back with an arc reactor in his chest, his heart still produced those feelings.

He did know this would never stop, but even now-

All he can manage is a quiet, “Thanks, Pepper.”

She squeezes his hand, and half of him feels like crying, and the other part feels like laughing. He staves off both by commenting, “Hey, I think the plainest, tasteless vanilla they have would be-”

“You’re not getting it named after Steve.”

“But he genuinely likes vanilla.”

For a long moment, she studies him before realising, no, this isn’t one of his attempts to try mending fences. “No, Tony.”

Steve’s spending most of his time in Wakanda anyway. When Wakanda had officially opened it’s borders to tourists, he’d tried to see if he could work out a way to travel there without there being an incident. If he and Rhodey could come to meet a Wakandian doctor, he wouldn’t try to go near wherever Steve and Barnes were or let anyone with the authority to attempt capture tag along.

Putting his foot down, Rhodey had insisted on trying an Armenian clinic they’d been researching instead.

The accords are shaping up to where they alternate between being completely useless and undeniably, dangerously unfair.

He can admit he might have been wrong, and he’s made it clear to Ross and the government he has Stark lawyers ready to fight to overturn them if any other people ever end up locked in a raft with no legal counsel, but- his dad loved Steve. His dad would have done anything to help Sergeant Barnes. His mom was a completely innocent civilian.

And Steve cares more about the psychological state of the man who, whether it was truly his fault or not, killed them rather than the fact they were killed.

“Hey, don’t think about it right now,” Pepper’s soft voice breaks him out of his thoughts. “Think about what you’re going to wear when you go with me to Vermont.”

…

The ice-cream is a bit chalky, but Pepper is practically inhaling hers.

“Yeah, this’ll do. Just make sure it’s something suitably dignified.”

Pepper lets out a distinctly undignified almost snort. “Or go with ‘Stark Raving’. That works too,” she chirps.

Unfortunately, their escort looks as if he’s truly considering this. Before he can make it clear this will not, under any circumstances happen, however, a scrunched up face catches his eye.

Turning, he sees a chunky girl with her apron covered in black smudges glaring at her workstation. She’s either still a teenager or an unfortunately short adult with a lasting baby face.

Based on the look on said face, she’s about to either throw something or storm off.

He walks over. “Hey. What are you working on?”

His heart sinks a little at the look she gives him before glancing around. Bruce used to get the same expression. It was as if he couldn’t believe someone was noticing him, and worse, as if he wasn’t sure the fact someone had was a good thing or not.

“Um, nothing. It’s- I made a mistake somewhere. It can be recycled,” she practically mumbles.

Taking a fresh spoon out of a nearby package and ignoring her quiet protests, he takes a bite.

He doesn’t like it, but- After taking another bite, he calls, “Pepper, come try this.”

“No, no, no,” the girl mutters.

Seeing her glance at a nearby barrel, he says, “You aren’t going to fit if you try stuffing yourself into that and rolling out of here.”

To his surprise, she gives him a slightly defiant look. “I might. I can still squeeze underneath bathroom stalls.”

Then, her look of miserable panic comes back, and she shrinks even further into herself.

Pepper comes over, and he hands her a fresh spoon. “Here, try this, and get ready to jump. Kid here is considering climbing into that barrel and rolling out.”

“The barrel’s filled with frozen ice-cream. It’d take over an hour for all that ice-cream to melt and be poured out,” Pepper points out with a concerned look at the girl.

“Well, apparently, climbing underneath bathroom stalls-”

“Tony, antagonising the employees is only going to make the case for ‘Stark Raving’ stronger.” To the girl, she adds, “I’m sorry about Mister Stark. Please, remember that him being a genius doesn’t mean he has a similar emotional IQ.”

Taking a small bite, Pepper cocks her head. After another, she gives him a soft look. “Bruce.”

“Yeah. What’s in this, kid?”

“First,” Pepper interjects, “what’s you’re name, miss?”

“Um, I’m, uh, Tandy Weisser. Miss Potts. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Tandy takes off her gloves, and they shake hands.

“What is in this?” Pepper asks.

“It’s- it was supposed to be a new fudge recipe, ma’am. My grandmum was from Tibet, and she always talked about this special kind of fudge some monks would sell. I found a recipe on the internet that I thought, with a little tweaking-” She shrugs.

“I personally don’t care much for fudge, but I think it’s better than you’re giving yourself credit for. Tony, I’m going to talk to Miss Weisser privately.”

He leaves.

…

Bruce likely isn’t on the planet.

The quinjet could have found its way into space at some point, and he doesn’t know if Hulk could survive once the oxygen ran out. If Hulk could, then, Bruce is still likely alive somewhere, and maybe, he’ll find his way back some day.

But what if Bruce is broken to where he can’t? Held prisoner? What if someone or something has warped him the same way Thor continually insists Loki was warped?

What if Bruce has found a place he’s truly happy and has decided he’ll never come back or even contact any of them for fear of him (Tony) trying to force him back?

Bruce loved fudge. He didn’t eat it or anything else sweet often, despite his (Tony's) assurances some roundness was a good look for him. He especially loved authentic Indian and Hong Kong made fudges.

It’s not much of a surprise, then, that a tiny, roly-poly girl with self-esteem issues trying to work through grief would create something he might love.

…

“New emails today, boss, and Clint Barton has sent a video attachment.”

“Hawkeye? Is he- is he okay?”

If Clint’s decided to bail on house arrest- screw Ross.

Ideologically, Bruce might have agreed more with Steve, but he knows his biggest objection would be the fact he himself worked with Ross, and maybe, if he could lay out some well-thought rationale for his decision- it wouldn’t matter, because, the truth is, he doesn’t know why he did it. Bruce wasn’t there, Pepper had moved out, people were still dying despite everyone’s best efforts, and as much as he hated Ross, what Ross was saying made the most sense.

Rhodey would have supported him if he’d insisted on getting someone besides Ross to oversee it, but he’d liked putting Ross on hold.

“He’s fine, boss, but you might want to consider not watching the video.”

“Why?”

“The Barton family isn’t alone. Did you know Miss Romanov has changed her hairstyle?”

“Are you telling me Lila, Cooper, and Nathaniel's aunt is in the video?”

“Yes, sir. Unharmed.”

“Secure the video on Stark servers, and restrict access to me alone. Erase any traces that might be out on the net.”

“Done, boss.”

“Play it.”

Lila and Cooper fill the screen.

“Who sent the ice-cream, daddy,” Lila asks.

“Is there banana nut bread,” Cooper asks.

“Try the banana split, buddy. Here, you go.” Getting Cooper settled, he turns to his daughter. “It’s because of my time in the Avengers, sweetie. Want to try the fudge?”

“I don’t like fudge,” Cooper says through a mouthful. "Regular chocolate is better."

Lila examines the carton. “Why doesn’t the fudge have a name?”

“It’s a brand-new flavour. Hasn’t been named yet. Cool, huh?”

“Cool,” she agrees. “Be sure to save some of the cheesecake ones for Nate and Mom.”

“Don’t worry, I will. Can I try some of the fudge?”

“Yeah, it’s really good.”

Clint takes a small bite, and he’s not sure what to make of his expression. “Hey, Tasha, come see what you think this flavour should be called!”

Natasha appears, and he does a double-take at her dye-job. It’s not bad, but it is a radical change.

Handing her a spoonful, Clint quietly says, “Pepper called earlier and told me about the new Stark-Raving Hazelnuts flavour. She wanted our opinion about this one.”

She takes a bite, and a sad smile crosses her face. “Bruce would love it.” Glancing at the camera before going over, she sets Lila in her lap. “Is there any Pistachio?”

The two give her disgusted looks, and looking over, Cooper declares, “She isn’t our aunt. We don’t know either of you.”

Lila bops her head, and Clint protests, “Hey, I don’t know her, either. Absolutely no clue why this woman is sitting in my kitchen and holding your sister in her lap.”

“Well, I don’t know any of you traitors,” is Natasha’s dry reply, and the soft smile on her face makes him understand a little more what Clint saw in her all those years ago.

The video ends.

…

Only Steve Rogers would use the postal service, including paying for a stamp, to mail a paper letter from a foreign country instead of getting a throw-away email address and using a computer he has free access to.

_Tony,_

_The cooler you used to transport the ice-cream works perfectly. Thank you for sending it. The diplomats are working on having a shipment of Pumpkin Cheesecake transported here. It’s the most popular of all the flavors you sent._

_I miss Bruce, too. I keep hoping for the day I’ll see you and him together in the news. More than that, I’d like to see him myself again._

_When I first tasted the fudge and saw ‘Flavor Name Pending’ on the label, I immediately thought of Bruce. Then, Nat told me you and Pepper were working with Ben & Jerry’s on deciding a name for it._

_If you want my opinion, I think he’d love it. I know he’d be touched you did such a thing._

_Take care of yourself, Tony._

_I know, if he ever comes back, you’ll try your best to take care of him, but I truly believe, wherever Bruce is, he’d come back if he could. And the doc’s a fighter when the chips are down. For all he’s ran in the past, I know, if he can, he’s trying to come back to you._

_If he ever comes back, let him take care of you._

_It was good hearing from you, Tony._

_Sincerely,_

_Steve Rogers_

Wiping his eyes, he takes a breath. “Friday, call Pepper.”

…

Pepper gives him a sceptical look. “He likes Elvis? Really?”

“You know he does.”

“Tony.”

Trying not to sigh, he wonders how to put it in words. Bruce would be flattered if the ice-cream was named after him. Dr Banner’s Delicious Fudge, or anything involving ‘Banner’ or ‘Bruce’.

He knows this, and he’s been trying for years to get Bruce more recognition. Bruce is almost as smart as he is kind, and he’s undeniably one of the greatest scientific minds the world might ever see. In some ways, he’s more creative than he himself will ever be.

On the other hand, he’s happy to see little kids hauling around Hulk plushies and seeing Hulk-sheets being sold. Hulk deserves more, too, especially from Bruce. He’s saved Bruce’s life. He’s saved the world. Bruce has saved  _his_  life. He protected Betty Ross, and aside from when he was literally mind controlled, he doesn’t indiscriminately attack civilians.

He was always careful not to push too hard, but he’d tried to learn what he could about Hulk. It’d’ve been nice if Bruce had let the two of them bond some more.

Even missing, Hulk still gives people hope. Along with all the people who’ve expressed gratitude for Dr Banner, he’s read countless letters and emails about how people are grateful for and to Hulk for various reasons, and if Bruce ever comes back, he will make sure Bruce definitely reads some of them.

Mostly, though, Bruce isn’t here.

He doesn’t know if this is a sort of petty punishment he’s trying to inflict should Bruce ever come back or not, but he doesn’t care. He likes ‘Hulk-a Hulk-a Burnin' Fudge.’

“Do you really think he’d expect anything else from me?”

She considers this. “Fair point.”

…

“Boss, Miss Potts might be angry.”

He looks up from the space drones he’s tinkering with. “I can take a guess why.”

“I warned you sending all those gallons to Secretary General Ross-”

“I made sure his staff would donate any that he didn’t want to nearby schools and daycares. And unless you have good news, I’ve never heard of fudge ice-cream causing a heart attack survivor to suffer a relapse.”

“She’s insisting you make time immediately so that she can calmly explain the effects your actions might have on Stark Industries, boss.”

“Alright,” he sighs. “The prototype spaceship is still secure?”

“Yes, boss.”

“And if she ends up killing me?”

“I’ll ensure the specs and its location are delivered to Dr Selvig.”

“Tell her to give me twenty minutes.”

“Got it, boss.”


End file.
